Roy Out of Context
by ActuallyAPenguin
Summary: Just random little clips of my favorite archer. If enough people want it, I'll make full stories out of some of these. T for language and other stuff. Also, warning for some OOC-ness.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Little snapshots of my favorite archer. Some of these might become full stories if ya really really want. Anyways, enjoy!

"Yeah, but what have the French done for me lately?"

"I threw a box of Rice Crispys at a puppy last night, I don't know the meaning of shame."

"OMIGOD THIS IS HAPPENING! OUR OWN HOMECOMING QUEEN AND KING!FINALLY SHE'LL BE TRYING ON A HUGE ENGAGEMENT RING FOR SIZE! OMIGOD YOU GUYS! OMIGOD!"

"Nickelback is like if Dane Cook were music."

"He said I looked like Velma from Scooby-Doo if she were a butch lesbian! I resent that."

"TEAM INSTINCT MOTHERFUCKER!"

"She's like acid personified."

"What is the meaning of this dicketry?"

"If the Hulk were a farmer he'd be called the Incredible Mulch."

"According to Wally, I was walking around with a piece of toast and a glass of wine in my hand and saying, 'Jesus would've wanted this.' How was your Tuesday?"

"I can assure you, that is _not_ what S &M stands for."

"I'm scared. I just found my car outside of Planned Parenthood."

"I didn't eat fish for 4 years because of you. Let me have this."

"It's not a fetish! It's a... coincidence?"

"You sound more like an ex-wife everyday."

"Contrary to what seems to be popular belief, I am not a stripper."

"Don't blame this on me, the handcuffs were your idea! I just wanted to have a great time!"

A/N: More of Master Debaters to come.

Also more chapters of this if people like it!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Oh boy, here we go.**

"I've never seen someone more terrified of grapefruit."

"He said no more throwing paper airplanes at the geese."

"Why are there so many pictures of pasta on your laptop?"

"I could've sworn I've slept with her before."

"Cheat on the mayor's daughter, get hit by a bus. It's the natural order of things."

"Tall, dark, and bitchy."

"He's like...if Dwayne Johnson and Beyonce had a son and he was raised by Ariel from the Little Mermaid and Oprah Winfrey."

"It's like Satan's eyeboogers! It's gross!"

"Oh, that's right. YOU HATE EVERYTHING THAT'S BEAUTIFUL!"

"Don't smirk at me, you cunt."

"It literally could not get any worse if we summoned Cthulhu, and in fact it might improve the situation somewhat."

"Who gave him papaya?!"

"See?! I can word good too!"

"No, it's ok. I'm known for my douchebaggery."

"Asshole tickling fun for the whole family!"

"I hope my daughter is a lesbian."

"That was _after_ we nailed the guy."

A/N: Sorry for not posting. I will make an effort to update twice a week (most likely on the weekends). I've got a lot of ideas in the works and not a lot of time to write.

But I hoped you enjoyed!


	3. The Inevitable Kaldur Chapter

**A/N: In which the author is Broadway trash.** **Kaldur out of context away!**

"...Dammit West. You had one job!"

"He's currently on the couch eating cookie dough out of a jar with a drinking straw while wearing nothing but a bathrobe and some mismatched socks. I thinks it's best to leave him alone for now."

"They've been calling me 'Illegally Blonde' for the past week. Who else did you tell?"

"I made the mistake of listening to Act 2 of Hamilton without any readily available tissues."

"You cupped my face in your hands and called me a chocolate angel."

"Cherry chapstick is yet another sinful phrase inadvertently added to my search history."

"According to Robin, my new name is Joanne Jefferson and Roy's is Maureen."

"I have decided to name it Pepper because too much of it in my life puts a bad taste in my mouth and makes me sneeze."

"Glad your costume has a stealth mode because _it is loud._ "

"We _wood_ go _into the woods_ but I'd like to avoid causing any unnecessary _agony._ "

"This is why I'm banned from the zoo."

"It's come to attention that Robin's been repeatedly changing my username to Rainbow Fish."

"$25.81. The square root of all evil."

"I've never had my taste in apples so harshly criticized."

"Apparently, she fries hers in butter."

"Please stop calling me Daddy. It's making everyone, including me, uncomfortable."

"She described me as, and I quote, 'sweet but a closet asshole.'"

 **A/N: Don't worry, I am working on Master Debaters. These just take a lot less time and effort** **to write.**


	4. He's back

**A/N: Ugh... alright, let's do this**

"We're like One Direction but, y'know, gayer."

"Her voice is a chocolate covered cherry for your ears."

"I will rip you in _half_ you little shit-biscuit!"

"Keep your shipping to yourself, like I do."

"Love is only like my third favorite 'L' word."

"Bibbidi bobiddi go fuck yourself!"

"I talk _a lot_ of shit. You're gonna have to be more specific."

"I just assumed he didn't know what semen smelled like so I just filled the condom with milk."

"Exactly! I mean how much can it possibly cost to rent a deer?"

"It wasn't exactly weird enough to be a boner killer, but I definitely wouldn't recommend it."

"If I die I am haunting the absolute _shit_ out of you."

"I found a way to set a fire with a sandwich bag, some water, and a toothpick."

"PG now stands for 'pierogi guns.'"

"He's a bit big for that, isn't he? Try a 4 or 6 year old."

"And that's why you saw Kaldur running away from an Indian elephant."

"Sexually frustrated and perpetually menstruated."

"I should be able to walk around pants-less without being judged by my peers."

 **A/N: Some of these are from my everyday life and the rest are from Reddit.** **Been having a hard time writing lately, but I'll live :P**


	5. Ugh

**A/N: I'm not as think as you drunk I am.**

"Kal! Kal, look! I made a paper duck!"

"My armpits smell like tea leaves."

"Why is there an armadillo under my couch?"

"Are you leaving? Why are you leaving? Please don't leave me, I loove youu."

"I swam with turtles that night."

"Take a shot everytime Kaldur shakes his head disapprovingly."

"Teh-Quill-Ahh..."

"YOU MCFUCKED UP!"

"Turkey bacon leggings."

"Ever mixed excessive amounts of nutmeg and bad decisions? Makes for a very interesting night."

"I threw a beer bottle to save a litter of kittens."

"Next person to compare me to Annie is getting my designer shoe up their ass."

"Hello drunkness my old friend. I've come to talk with you again..."

"They thought I was Irish so they banished me to the 'Potato Corner.'"

"I've never wanted cancer more than I do right now."

"My mouth still tastes like shame."

"But look on the bright side, whenever you're lonely you can see my dick."

 **A/N: You may only get one update next week due to school kicking my ass. Sorry...**


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